Power of Will
Every morning I overcome (to different degrees of success) the waking up ritual. I manage to get up, sit on my bed, and then finally leave altogether.
Every day I tell myself, multiple times, to put down my phone and actually pay attention to my classes or focus on my task at work.
Every time I have to commute, I have to make a tiny conscious choice to pick the bike over lazily sitting in the bus.
We continuously meet the challenge of the will, of our body and mind telling us to sleep, to relax, to rest. Not to hurry, not to think so hard, not to pay attention, not to be polite.
Why is it that we all must face this wall in every good deed we do? Take a look, the people around you, all of them go through this same hell that you do every minute of the day.
Eat well, go to bed early, clean up.
Don't tell lies, don't make excuses for yourself, don't blame others for your mistakes.
And when we indulge ourselves it's like falling back on an old drug habit. Just one more minute… One more snack… One more day…
One might think the power of will is like a muscle, strengthened through practice. But whenever I have to prepare for exams, my brain wanders off to absolutely anything other that what I must study. Why is the main key to success in your goals such a brittle skill to attain? Concentrating, giving up on what we want, giving apologies, it all feels like rolling a boulder up a hill while trying to do the task itself. A weight that, upon falling down, you have to carry all the way up again. Your boulder slips, and there you are, smoking again, gaining weight, slacking on your studies, getting behind on your job.
It feels like you're missing something. Do successful and proactive people know something that I don't? Is it just repetition and discipline? Then, why do my steps feel like crawling through the floor devoid of all strength?
Does it ever improve?